Out of Time

Okay, so I admit to bringing this to you 2 days later than promised, but this first writing assignment turned out to be a lot harder for me than I expected… and feedback from classmates is still pending.

The Assignment:
Create a character with 3 distinct wants and 3 faults. Introduce the character, but then every other sentence (second, fourth, etc.) Has to be a rising action following Freytag’s pyramid – the formula for a story.

But wait, there’s more!

In each rising action sentence, you must incorporate 1 word from a list of 12, using at least 6, and do it all in 250 words, or less.


Freytag’s Pyramid describing the structure of plot within a narrative. From Public Domain.

I managed to use 8 of the words, only taking the liberty with one of making it someone’s name but keeping the rest in their listed tense.

I abandoned normal paragraph structure in order to keep track of the every-other-sentence requirement and the words from the list are in italics so you can identify them.

In the end, I actually want to know more about my character and I realized it dove tails to a story I wrote years ago for NaNoWriMo.

Let me know what you think.


“Do you have the record?” Mentsh yelled into his phone as he raced down Market Street.

He narrowly missed colliding with an appliance moving truck as it made an illegal left turn in front of him.

“Yah, I got it.”

Tiger, you don’t owe me anything, but this isn’t for me.”

She didn’t respond, but he could still hear the chaos of the club’s preparation and knew she was still on the line.

“You wouldn’t pretend about something like this, would you?”

She exhaled slowly and he thought he could feel her breath in his ear, but it was just the wind.

“No trick.”

Mentsh was almost to the club and then just a short ride from there to the Embarcadero where Jack’s sister was waiting to spread his ashes into the bay.

He pedaled faster as memory threatened to overwhelm him.

Could it really be over a decade since he had met Jack when he was still spinning records?

That was when they’d both had a thing for Tiger and before the cage of regrets and broken promises Mentsh found himself in now.

He leaned to turn down an alley and skidded to a stop outside the club.

His lungs ready to explode from exertion, the thunder of blood made him feel unsteady on his feet.

He just might make it in time to give Jack the farewell he deserved.

The rings on his shaking hands scraped against the metal handle as he tried to open the locked door.

2 responses to “Out of Time

  1. Pingback: Show, Don’t Tell | Below Zero | Above Infinity·

  2. Pingback: The Power of Structure | Below Zero | Above Infinity·

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