My heart is heavy right now thinking about a friend and his family going through tough decisions and trying times.
It’s always been a struggle for me between being the friend I want to be and being the friend someone needs me to be. I always try to prioritize the latter and hope the former comes with it.
I would rather be remembered in life for the friend I was than anything else.
In my reverie, it’s one of those nearly perfect moments sitting on the patio. There is a cool breeze – bordering on too strong – and the sun is shining but lowering on the horizon. The air is cooling off allowing the warm concrete of the patio to be pleasant on my bare feet rather than a nuisance. The air smells of dried cut grass and I can hear Smashing Pumpkins playing through my open living room window.
It’s strange how certain moments in time feel more cemented in reality than others. Isn’t is more true to say that our daily mundane lives are actually the most real when moments outside of that – falling outside the mean – are not as real?
And then I reflect back on my friend and his family going through something I only know secondhand. Yet it’s something so prevalent that a part of me almost yearns for it to happen in my life so that I’ll know the truth of it. That part – sadistic maybe – whispers softly, the temptress in the night, when my logic center tells me the real truth that what they’re going through is nothing to desire. It’s not something anyone should want in their life and something no one should even wish on an enemy.
Yet my logic center also knows it’s a reality of most lives. Often a question only of When and not If it will happen.
You can guess on what I’m talking about. I’m sure many of you would guess the same thing. If you didn’t, you’d still guess something just as significant. Just as difficult for a family and for a life. And you’d be just as right.
I have to remind myself that I don’t have all the answers – in fact, I only have a few of them, and they aren’t always wanted – and remind myself also that being a friend is the most I can do.