Shouting in my head

Events of the past week – actually, not yet even a full week – have left me with relatively little to say, which is surprising considering I feel like I’m shouting in my head.

I even spent about five and a half hours at work yesterday – Saturday – under the excuse that I had things to do which couldn’t be done during the regular week. Yet, there was little fooling myself that another reason was as a distraction.

It’s quite amazing how simple physical activity can lead to both a state of meditation and a state of denial, depending upon where you start and where you need to go. I installed 2 computer stations, cleaned and organized a storage room – ridding it of 2 huge piles of junk – and installed a couple wall-mounted organizers to help the staff I supervise. And then I went home and tried not to think about how it was more quiet than it used to be.  Less home than it was only days before.

For me, right now, it’s about forgetting. Not completely, but just enough to keep it together until the cut of emotion dulls with age.

Avoid thinking about the cat we put down last Tuesday. Don’t think about the patient who went home on hospice and who I couldn’t bring myself to visit in the hospital. Deny the truth that another patient died after living a life so much fuller than mine.

What is the connection?  I had some responsibility in the lives of all 3 and they all brought happiness – a little or a lot – into my life.

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Copyright 2013 by T. E. Wilson

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